Special Missions

*Yesh, this IS a DoofxPerry fanfic! If you don't like the couple, don't read it.*


'Why do I always get the weird missions?' Perry thought as he looked down at his brand new, extremely pale, human hand. He sat on the cold, hard floor wearing nothing but his too-small agent hat and a tight watch. Long teal hair flopped in front of his young face.

Perry looked at his tiny watch again and gave a deep sigh. He'd only been human for three minutes and he already missed being a platypus. This was just too weird.

Moments later, he could hear footsteps echoing in the hall. He stood up on wobbly legs as the Major came in with an armful of clothes. Once again, the older man's face turned a bright red and he turned away from Perry's nudity. He coughed at the awkwardness a few times before dropping the clothes on the ground in a messy pile.

"Agent P, please clothe yourself before I tell you the rest of your mission." Perry nodded and began searching through the pile. He understood, from all of Candace's whining, that clothes were very important. He didn't exactly know how, but she always started freaking out and digging through the closet whenever Jeremy was coming over. And it was very rare to see a human walking around naked like animals. Even some animals didn't walk around without clothes.

Perry pulled out a pair of white boxers with red dots, and slipped them on first. After that, he pulled on a large pair of brown pants, a white shirt, and what looked like a detective's trench coat. He stared at the shoes a moment longer, but tossed them away with disgust. There was no way he was going to wear leather shoes. He knew what leather was made out of… He snapped his fingers to let Major Monogram know he was dressed.

"Looking good Agent P." He said after checking him over to make sure he was properly dressed. His eyes stopped at the agent's bare feet. "Uh…." Perry crossed his arms and shook his head, sticking his nose up in the air to show that he refused to wear shoes. "Ok… that's fine I guess." He stared awkwardly at the new human Perry.

"Anyways, on to your mission. Shall I repeat the first part?" Perry blinked in wide-eyed confusion. Major Monogram took that as a yes.

"We have proof that Dr. Doofenshmirtz may have infiltrated the agency's data base and downloaded top secret information. We need you to keep him distracted while me and Carl search his computer.
Perry blinked angrily at the Major. 'WHY did the need to turn me into a human for this?'

As if reading his mind, Major Monogram began to explain.
"You see Agent P… Carl built this new machine to turn humans into animals and vice versa and… we needed someone to try it out on? Animal to human works! Let's just hope we can get you back to a platypus." He chuckled the last part, as if there was something funny about Perry possibly never being a platypus again. Perry, on the other hand, stared back with a shocked face.

"Just one more thing before your mission Perry. Can… can you talk?"

Perry hadn't even considered this. 'Could he talk? '

"Aahh…" He tried. "I-I th-thi-think s-s-so." He stuttered wildly. Major smiled.

"That's great Perry! You can work on it on your way to Doofenshmirtz's. Good luck!" He saluted Perry, who snapped his arm back in a well practiced salute and quickly walked/waddled back to one of the many exits.


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The doorbell ringed loudly throughout the small room. "It's about time Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz yelled. He pried himself from the small purple couch and went to answer the door. Perry was nearly an hour late! He was normally right on time. But, at least that gave Doofenshmirtz the time to get his back story down right. He knew Perry hated it when he rambled on. Not that he cared or anything, he just wanted Perry to stay awake during his amazingly well put together speeches.

An impatient knocking erupted on the other side of the door. "I'm coming!" Doofenshmirtz yelled again as he reached the door. "You know Perry the Platypus, I've heard of fashionably late but this is-" He cut himself off when he pulled the door open to see a medium-built man who looked like he would be no older than twenty.


"Who are you? I was expecting Perry the Platypus!" This man seemed oddly familiar. His teal colored hair hung right above his big brown eyes. His complexion was VERY pale, except the end of his nose, which seemed to be a slight, almost orangish, color. Doofenshmirtz looked him up and down, trying to place a name to the face. That's when he noticed his bare, scratched up feet. They also seemed to be slightly orange colored. But, if he was running around barefooted, that didn't surprise him.

"H-hi D-do-doof" He man stammered.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Doofenshmirtz replied.

"Its m-me! P-Pe-Perry the Pla-platy-pus." An awkward silence passed. Finally the doctor spoke up.

"P-Perry?" It was his turn to stutter. "What happened to you." He tried to keep the worry and shock out of his voice, but failed miserably.

"Th-there was an a-ac-ident at the a-agency."

"I'll say!" He stayed in a shock for a few minutes longer.

"Ca-can I c-come in?" This was the first part of the mission. Get Doofenshmirtz to let him into his house, so Carl and Major could sneak in behind. Said doctor squinted his eyes at Perry for a few moments, but stepped to the side and nodded.

Step one, complete. Now Perry just needed to get him away from the computer.
'Where to go….' Perry wondered to himself. He quickly went over the mental blue prints of the building in his head. 'The computer is up here in the lab, so maybe… the living room?' He got that figured out. Now he just needed to get the doctor down there without arousing suspicion.

"Hey!" Doofenshmirtz broke into his thoughts. "I said watch your step!" Perry looked at the small, platypus sized pet carrier directly in front of him. He wouldn't want to set off THAT trap, he was WAY too big to fit in such a tiny thing… Out of nowhere, a loud rumbling burst through the silence. It took Perry a moment to realize that it was coming from him. He clutched at his stomach with huge, scared eyes.

Doofenshmirtz burst into laughter, earning himself an angry, bewildered glance from Perry.

"Wh-what is this?"

"The agency feeds you well doesn't it?" Doof replied between gasps as he tried to calm his laughter. Perry still didn't understand, and he really didn't like it. "Come on. Let's go to the kitchen. You'll find out what's wrong with you there." Perry nodded and let the older man grab him by the wrist and lead him to the elevator. The other hand was still clutching his stomach. A quick check, and Perry realized the kitchen was downstairs, right next to the living room. Dumb luck. But hey, who was he to argue?

The elevator doors opened and Perry was drug into the tiny room. Right before the doors closed, Perry could see the front door swing open and Carl's head peek out. The intern caught Perry's eye just long enough to give him a thumbs up before there was a click, and the elevator started to drop.


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The kitchen was much smaller than Perry had remembered. But then again, so was everything else. Perry sat at a small, two person table while Doofenshmirtz was busy dragging things out of a cabinet. Most of it, Perry had seen before in his own family's kitchen. But there were other weird things he had never seen before. He didn't even want to attempt to pronounce them either…

Things started to pile up on the counters, and clatter to the floor. As soon as Doofenshmirtz picked up one can, three more would fall to the ground. He was starting to get frustrated, Perry could tell. He couldn't help but snicker though. Doofenshmirtz turned to glare.

"What are you laughing at Perry?" As he spoke, a giant bag of flour on the top shelf started to teeter directly over the doctor's head. Perry opened his mouth to warn him, but he was too late.

There was a loud "Poof" noise as the bag hit the floor inches away from the doctor and exploded. The entire kitchen was immediately coated in a layer of white powder. A moment of silence passed. Doofenshmirtz was just standing there in complete shock. His eyes wide, mouth clenched, and a look of disbelief covering his face.  Perry tried his hardest not to giggle, but couldn't help himself.
There was another thud and white powder fluffed up into the air as Perry fell out of his chair backwards, laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

"You l-look like a gh-ghost!" He cried out in between bursts of laughter.

"Very funny Perry," Doofenshmirtz tried to sound mean, but he was holding back laughter too.  "And guess who's going to help me clean up this mess?" Perry's laughter slowly came to a halt as he looked around the kitchen for the person Doof was talking about. He turned back to the doctor and shrugged, pulling his lips into his mouth to keep himself from smiling. Doofenshmirtz had to smile. Never in a million years would he guess that Perry was such a funny little guy to hang around with. He always seemed so serious as a platypus. Maybe the human emotions were starting to get to him? Or maybe he was just serious when he was on the job. Which brought up another question… Perry wasn't trying to stop his evil schemes, so why WAS he here? Doofenshmirtz was about to speak up, when there was another small rumble and Perry's laughter instantly stopped as he grabbed his stomach.

Right… food. The closest thing that wasn't on the floor, or busted, was a bag of chips lying on the counter. He grabbed them and tossed them at the once-platypus on the floor.

"Dust yourself off and go to the living room. I'll be there in a few minutes." Perry did as he was told and went to flop down on the floor in front of the couch with the bag of chips. Now… how do you get these things open?

Nearly ten minutes later, Doofenshmirtz walked into the living room. The kitchen was still half way powdered, but he could always take care of that later. When he stepped into the doorway, what he saw almost made him face palm himself. Perry was lying on the floor with a shredded bag of chips in front of him. Most of which were spread out all over the rug. Crumbs were everywhere. When the doctor walked in, Perry acknowledged him with a nod of the head and a slight smile. Then he continued to use only his mouth to pick up chips of the floor. After seeing this, you might as well call syrup-covered pancakes finger food.

"Perry… WHAT are you doing?"

"Eating." He mumbled through a mouth full of chips. "You want s-some?"

"That's NOT how people eat food Perry." Perry looked up Doofenshmirtz and tried to put on the same face he used for his owners whenever he got in trouble. It seemed to work, because the stern look began to slowly melt off the other's face. "Now I need to vacuum too."

"S-sorry Doof. The bag wouldn't come o-open and I was hungry." Perry batted his huge brown eyes and looked like he was about to cry. That did it.

"It wasn't your fault. I should've helped you."
That was the first moment Perry started to see all the irony of this situation. Doofenshmirtz was not only helping him, but he wasn't even getting mad at him. Perry guessed that the whole "him being a human" thing just brought out Doof's good side. He WAS a father after all.

Doofenshmirtz strode across the living room and plopped down on the couch. With hands interlocked behind his head, he leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

"S-something wrong Doof?"
He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a buzzing noise. The watch on Perry's paw was vibrating.

Perry jumped up and slapped his opposite hand over it.
"I uh… have to t-take this." He ran out of the room and straight into the kitchen. Once he was sure Doof couldn't hear OR see him, he uncovered his watch and pressed the button on the side.

"Agent P!" Major Monogram's face popped up. "Outstanding job! We've got all the information we need. Now we need you to get Doofenshmirtz out of the room and back up a couple floors. A few minutes are all it takes to load the laptop and make a quick getaway. Do you understand Agent P?"

Perry nodded his head. "Yes sir!" They saluted each other and the screen went black.

Now, he had to get Doofenshmirtz back upstairs. He stared down at his body and waited for it to make some sort of helpful noise again. Nothing. He was on his own this time. He looked back and forth, trying to think of something. He knew his boss and Carl would be down here any minute.
Without really coming up with a plan, he ran over to the couch and dragged Doof off by the wrist.

"What are you doing!?"

"C-come on!" Perry shouted in a rush. "I uh… h-have to see your n-newest invention!" He pulled the doctor after him as he ran for the elevator. He was almost there when Doofenshmirtz stopped running, causing Perry to be yanked backwards and into his chest. The older man's face turned a darker shade of pink and he turned away.

"Was that Major Monobrow yelling at you for not doing your job?" Perry thought for a second, and quickly nodded.

"We have to hurry or… I m-might get fired." Perry pulled himself off Doofenshmirtz and ran a couple steps to press the elevator button. The door slid open almost immediately. He ran back behind Doof and started pushing on him, but it was no use, the older man was bigger than him and refused to move. After working up a small sweat, he quit trying. There must be SOME way to get this man into the elevator.

Perry huffed at him and simply turned around and walked into the elevator, hoping Doof would follow. He didn't. Instead, he stood there and just stared at Perry with a questioning look.

Perry's watch buzzed again. Instead of the Major, a message scrolled across the screen. Two simple words that nearly made Perry's heart stop. "Heading Down." There was no stopping now, Doofenshmirtz was getting in that elevator if Perry had to drag him in by his nose.

He calmly walked behind the doctor, as if giving up. He went all the way to the other side of the room before he turned back around. Doofenshmirtz wasn't looking, so he never saw Perry break out in a full run and charge straight into him. Both of them went sprawling across the room and landed about half way in, half way out of the small elevator. Doofenshmirtz was first on his feet, and tried to step over Perry and back into his living room.

"I don't know WHAT your problem is! But I am NOT going up there until you explain what's really going on! What is it? Some kind of trap?"

Whoa… Doofenshmirtz's genius was showing.

Perry quickly pulled himself up and blocked the elevator door by spreading out his arms to either side.  Doof did the same to keep from being pushed inside the rest of the way. Perry couldn't get in, and Doof couldn't get out. They were both stuck. There was a small clicking sound to the left. Perry looked up, and with alarm, noticed the other elevator's arrow indicating the what floor it was on, was moving down. Only ten floors to go.

"P-please just go?"

"Why?"

"So I can do my j-job and go home." A look of sadness crossed Doof's face. But it was quickly replaced with that same stern expression. The moment was so brief, Perry wasn't even sure he had really seen it.

Seven floors.

"I've been d-down here with you this whole t-time. How could I s-set a trap?"

"I'm not stupid Perry. Why was your boss really calling you?"

Five floors.

"To tell me to hurry! I already t-told you!"

"I'm not buying it Perry."

"Why not?"

Three floors.

Perry had to think fast. Arguing wasn't getting anywhere. What he needed was just a small moment of weakness of Doof's part, so he could get them both inside the elevator. The first thing that came to mind was one of those… one things. What the guys always did to the girls on Candace's favorite TV shows? What was that called again? It started with a k. Candace was always complaining to herself about how Jeremy should do it to her.

One floor.

No more time to think! He had to act fast. Releasing his hold on the elevator doors, he jumped at Doof, arms wrapping around his neck, legs wrapping around his stomach. He smashed his lips against the doctor's and could feel the man's knees getting wobbly. They both collapsed on the floor and the elevator doors shut. Only seconds later, the other elevator dinged and his boss and the intern stepped out to make their escape. Perry's stomach felt weird. It was like there were little bugs inside, just trying to fly out. He realized he could take his lips off Doof's now, but he kind of liked the feeling. He pulled back, rolled off Doofenshmirtz, and stood up as if nothing had happened. The doctor was panting and his face was a bright, bright red. He pulled himself up off the floor and stood with his back facing Perry. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up.

"You… k-kissed me." He turned around to look Perry in the eye.

Perry simply shrugged. "I had to! You wouldn't get on the elev-" He couldn't finish the sentence. He was shoved into a corner of the elevator, Doofenshmirtz holding both of his wrists against different walls. Their eyes met for only a moment before the small distance between their lips closed completely. Perry tried to gasp for air, which only made him open his mouth giving Doof even farther to go. Right as he started to kiss back, Doof pulled away. But he didn't let go. Instead, he pulled him into a tight hug. Perry rested his chin on his nemesis's shoulder.

Maybe… just MAYBE these weird missions weren't so bad after all.