Where To Spend The Holidays- ZaDr

Because of Dad's hatred of Santa, my family doesn't really celebrate Christmas. That's putting it lightly. One time I brought in a Christmas tree ornament we made at school… and Dad blew up.

Not that my Dad's craziness ever stops me and Gaz from having a great time! Sort of. I normally get Gaz a present of some sort and deliver it to her door. Then I run away before she comes out with MY present. I learned on year one of our tradition to never wait around for her to get to that door. I still have nightmares, sometimes.

This year Gaz went to her friend's house for Christmas Eve. (Yes, friend. It shocked me too.) And it's not like I want to stay around and listen to Dad's rambling about how truly evil the big jolly man really is all by myself. So I took off to Zim's.

Why did I pick Zim? Well, even though he hates me, he at least talks to me. And I think his dog-robot thing likes me. The combination of attention from an insulting green alien and a neurotic green dog thing would be WAY more than I get all year 'round at my own house. So why not?

I dressed up festively, I mean, I put on a Santa hat at least, and headed out into the cold. It was snowing hard but even in an extreme blizzard I would've been able to find that brightly lit, practically glowing, green house. It wasn't a long walk and it was one I had made a million times and planned on making a million times more. I could find this place in my sleep. In fact, sometimes I even did. Cursed sleep-walking.

I rang the doorbell after spending ten minutes trudging through knee-deep snow. His dog answered the door within seconds. No surprise there, he would let anyone in. I knew from personal experience. I let out a small laugh; Zim would never find those new cameras I once again had his own side-kick place throughout the house.

"HI MARY!" The dog let out in a high-pitched screech.

"Hi… uh…" What was his name?

"GIR," a loud yelled sounded throughout the house. "Shut the door! You're letting the frozen acid in!"

"MASTA! Mary is here!"

There was a small pause. "Shut the door anyways!" Gir was about to close it my face before I yelled out a life-saving phrase.

"I brought presents!" I barely had the P word out before the door was wrenched all the way open and I caught sight of Zim's un-disguised red eyes.

"For Zim? Gimme!" I smiled and tried to think of a good response. This was my only chance at having a warm place for the holidays and I had to get it right.

"I'll trade them for hot chocolate." Zim huffed and his bottom lip stuck out in consideration.

I knew the greedy little Irken would die without his "goodies" now that he knew I had them. But was it enough to get in the house?

"Get in here. But do not DARE track FILTH on Zim's floor!" Apparently it was. My smiled broadened and I rushed into the heat of the house. Zim always kept it so unnecessarily warm in here. If he was asked why, he would probably make up something about how it was extra warm where he came from and that's how he was used to it. I think he's just a weenie for cold weather.

The door was closed behind me and out of nowhere I was hit with something hard and cold.
"Did Big-Head Boy bring presents for meeee?" Squealed the little robot. After a few minutes of struggling to pull him off, I dug through my jacket pocket and pulled out a small wrapped package. Gir shrieked with delight and… ate it. There goes five dollars worth of stuffed pig down the gullet.  

"THANK YOU!" He burped in my face happily and ran off to the kitchen with Zim. I guess I should learn to expect something like this, coming from anything that has to do with that alien.

"Dib-frost! Get where Zim can keep eye focus on you!" Dib-frost? Was that a Christmas themed insult? Wow, even Zim was in the Holiday spirit.

"Coming!" I replied happily. My boots slipped off with a quick shake of each foot and my jacket was soon to follow.

There were already two large mugs of hot chocolate waiting on the table when I got in the kitchen. One of which was occupied by an alien.

I slid into the opposite chair and started blowing on my cup to cool it down. If there was one thing I could give Zim credit for, it was his amazing cocoa. I won't ask what's in it, though. The possible answers worry me too much.

He eyed me like a hungry predator until I took my first small sip.

"THERE! The Dib has had his hot chocolate! Where is Zim's present!? It better be good!"
"Geez, Zim. It's like you don't want me here or something." My comment was met with a glare. I sighed. "It's in my jacket."

Zim tore out of the kitchen and almost ripped my jacket from the coat rack. He immediately began digging through all the pockets, searching for his gift. If I wasn't mistaken, I'm pretty sure he was chanting something along the lines of "Gimme, gimme, gimme".

I downed the rest of my hot chocolate and went back into the small, cozy living room and plopped down on the couch to watch him.

He finally found it and yanked the red box out of my pockets in victory. The wrapping I worked so hard to make perfect was gone within seconds and the box nearly in shreds in the same amount of time.

He held the shiny dagger up to his face, antennas perked in extreme interest. It was a beautiful knife I had bought a long time ago when I thought maybe I was interested in those kind of things. One edge was serrated with fine tips and the other smoothed into a point sharp enough to cut a hair in half. The end of the blade came out to a sharp point on the serrated side before dipping back into itself and coming out in a second point on the smooth side.

It was just a knife I had sitting around that I thought Zim would like, really. Nothing too special. A smile lit up his face and I knew it was the right decision. His eyes glinted like the knife and… now that I really think about it… maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

"You can keep that… on one condition." He glared up at me.

"Condition? You can't do that! It's cheating!"

"It's my knife, I can take it back." He growled at me quietly.

"What is your "condition", then?"

"Don't… Don't use that thing on me and you can keep it." His face was thoughtful for a moment. I wasn't shocked to notice that he was actually weighing his options on whether or not he would give up his knife for having to keep from killing me with it.

"Ok. It is a deal. Zim won't kill you with THIS." That was probably the closest thing to comfort I could ever get from Zim, so I smiled.

"Thanks, Space-boy."

"It is your welcome, Snow-boy."  He looked down at his new weapon gleefully for a moment before his face fell. "Zim got you nothing in return for this piece of scrap metal."

"Zim! It's not scrap metal! It's-"

"Shut your noisy noise tubes! Zim knows it's not. I can probably use this for SOMETHING."

"So… you like it then?" He grumbled something quietly but I could've sworn there was a "yes" woven into it. At least I could pretend that was a thank you.

At that time Gir ran into the room and pounced on Zim. He whispered something into an antenna and Zim's expression turned to one of disgust.

"Zim would NEVER!" He whispered something again and giggled, looking in my direction. I must've looked pretty confused because Gir decided to explain things for me.

"On the TV peoples go under this planty stuffs and then they try to eat each other's faces! But in a good way!" Was he talking about… kissing under mistletoe? Maybe, I wasn't sure. What did this have to do with Zim saying he would neve- Oh…. My face started burning a hot red.

"Um… yeah? What about it?"

"Masta didn't get you no gift and on Christmas shows they do that sometimes when someone didn't get someone no gift!"

"Th-that's… a couple thing though." I tried to explain. I would be lying if I said I never once thought about kissing Zim. It was just these stupid teenage hormones though, I swear it.

"Couple?" Zim questioned. I groaned; this was NOT what I had come over to do- discuss human relationships with an Irken.

"It's like…" I fought to find a good way to describe it while using words Zim could understand. "It's like two people who spend all their time together and always think about the other when they aren't around. And they do things like hug and kiss and cuddle and… you know, all that stuff you see people in high school doing sometimes." I wasn't the best person to ask about couples, considering I had never been in a relationship.

"So these "couples". Are they like mates?"

"Yeah! Like that! I think…" He nodded, confident in himself.

"Zim knows what you speak of then. You humans do it all the time, and in public! It's so gross."

"Usually people think it's cute, you know."

"And what exactly is "usual" of Zim as compared to your filthy species?" He had a point there.
"Absolutely nothing."
"That's right! Nothing is usua- Hey! Wait a second! ZIM IS NORMAL!"

I laughed a little. "Yes Zim, you're the most human of anyone I know." He opened his mouth but stopped, getting this confused look. He obviously didn't know whether to be insulted or complimented by that. Suddenly, his mind seemed to snap back to our conversation moments ago.

"Has the Dib-stink had a couple before?"

"Have I… what?"

"Has the Dib had a couple! The lurvey durvey crap. Has Dib-stink had it?"

"You mean… have I had a relationship before?"

"Whatever you wish to call it. Answer Zim's question."

"No… There's no point." His confusion couldn't have been any more obvious if there were little question marks floating above his head.

"In case you haven't noticed, Zim, you're the only person that ever has conversations with me. And you aren't even human! What's the point in "dating" if they'll just find out how crazy I am sooner or later and leave?"

"Zim knows you're completely mad and I haven't left." He offered.

I laughed a little. "Thanks Zim, but that's different. If you left I would assume you were up to something and would have to chase you down."

"It does not surprise me, you… eh… Dib-stalker." He got up and flopped down on the couch next to me, turning the knife over and over in his hand, watching the light catch it's many points.

"I'm not a stalker. I just like to study the paranormal."

"And Zim is your favorite para-whatever, right?" He asked with a teasing tone.

"Oh, of course you are, Your Amazingness" I replied in the same tone. Even though I was just messing around with him, it really was true. I hadn't gone after bigfoot or the mermaids in the sewers or moth-men for over a year. It was always just Zim. Probably because he was the easiest and most convenient  creature around. Probably.

I stretched an arm out like I was going to "make a move" on him, but shoved his shoulder instead. At least, I was going to, but my elbow hit something hiding against the back of the couch. I glanced back and saw Gir clinging to the edge and giggling, one arm holding the furniture and the other dangling something way above my head. I raised my eyes slowly and lazily to see a green leafy thing.

"Kiss the Maaaarrryyyy, Masta!" My eyes widened. That definitely wasn't mistletoe up there, it looked more like a handful of some sort of ivy, but it implied the same thing.
Zim's eyes glanced between me and the leaves a couple times before resting up on the greenery. There was no way Zim was going to do it. No way at all.

"Masta and Mary! Sittin on my couch! K-I-….. KISS 'IM, MASTER!" His eye clenched closed and his tongue rolled out in a cute little expression.

I wanted to, actually. Some strange part of me wanted to kiss Zim. But that would mean giving up this tiny little truce thing we seem to have at the moment. And it would also mean spending another lonely Christmas with my frantic dad.

"I must obey the Earth rules, I am supposing."

"What!?" Did he mean what I think he meant…?

Zim smirked.

Before I could say anything, he lunged forward and smashed his lips against mine in a rough kiss. His lips were dry and kind of cold, but the best things I have ever tasted. Warmth flooded through me and rested mostly in my face as he pulled away, leaving me all tingly inside.

Of course. The alien couldn't settle for just invading my mind and my planet, but he had to go and steal my first kiss too, didn't he? Not that… I really minded.

"Feel honored to have the kiss of the ALMIGHTY ZIM!" I was too dumb-struck to reply with words, so instead I smiled at him. "You feel honored?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now get out of my house."

"Fat chance, Space-freak! It's past midnight and below freezing, I'm staying."

"ZIM did NOT agree to this!"

"You don't have to! I'm staying!" Zim glared at me but was silent for a long while.

"Fine," He grumbled. "But only if you fix the Christmas waffles in the morning and let Zim kiss you again."

Needless to say, I stayed.